Balancing the Masculine and Feminine in 2017

There is a war going on.  We can all feel it; it is visceral.  It is a war between the masculine and feminine in our society.  The war has been raging for a very long time, but in 2016 masculinity had a very good year.

To clarify, it is not a war between men and women, but a war between our masculine and feminine sides both personally and societally.  It is hard versus soft, loud versus quiet, rough versus tender.  It is sensitive versus insensitive.

This week’s news is filled with examples of the conflict.  

Steve Martin had to apologize for comments he made about Carrie Fisher where he noted her beauty before her wit.  It seems people are worried he may have objectified her femininity rather than celebrating her more masculine traits.

The Boy Scouts has denied membership to a transgender child who was born a girl but now feels like a boy.  The child did not meet their requirement for membership because of biology, but the family seems confused because she is choosing masculine things over feminine things and therefore they feel she should be a Cub Scout like her friends.

This week also brought more widespread discussion of banning football in high schools due to concussions and other concerns by the medical community.  

Some of us bristle at the very notion of masculinity and femininity.  We want to pretend that we are immune to the yin and the yang that is part of our nature and our society.  But the softer and harder parts of our human nature are both important and need to be in balance both individually and as a society.

Our masculine side is assertive, confident, courageous, ambitious, rational, analytical, and competitive.  Masculinity is active, independent, and extroverted.  It is dominant and aggressive.

Our feminine side is gentle, nurturing, intuitive, compassionate, considerate, and caring.  Femininity is passive, patient, and loving.  It is understanding and kind and empathetic.

Every individual, whether male or female, has a mixture of masculine and feminine qualities to varying degrees at various times.  We utilize both or either depending upon the situation and what is needed.  Both men and women have hormone levels that fluctuate over time and both sexes have levels of both testosterone and estrogen.  Changes in these hormones can have a dramatic effect on how we feel and how we see issues.

The ideas of masculine and feminine are just social constructs that we create to give a name to that which we all understand intuitively.  Society has always tended to reinforce the idea that girls need to be feminine and boys need to be masculine.  In the past we have been quite adamant as a society that males and females follow certain stereotypical roles that corresponded to masculine and feminine.

That all started changing in the middle of the twentieth century with the sexual revolution and cultural upheaval of the 1960’s.  Women were “liberated” to seek more traditional male roles and men were also “liberated” to seek out their more feminine side.  Having the freedom to live one’s life as you wish is a good thing, but the progress did not come without difficulties, or backlash.

As our society slowly began to embrace these ideas there was backlash against the old status quo, which was perceived to be dominated by men and masculinity, and there arose a lot of animosity towards traditional male roles and activities.  Masculinity was seen as aggressive, insensitive, and arrogant.

Until last year.  In 2016 masculinity made a comeback.  The leader of the return to masculinity was our president-elect, Donald Trump.  While Hillary Clinton attempted to run a traditional campaign based on policies and experience, Trump campaigned on masculinity.

Americans did not seem concerned with nuances of policy.  They did not care about experience.  Trump’s seemingly vacuous phrases were filled with testosterone and audiences cheered.  His locker room talk did not hurt because he was selling masculinity, and sexual prowess is masculine.  His attacks on people like John McCain for getting captured were dismissed as male swagger and bravado.

Trump supporters called those men who did not support him “cucks”, which is short for cuckold, or an effeminate man that is dominated by his wife.  They claim Barack Obama is a mom-jeans wearing girly-man and they claim Michelle is really a man.  These things just reveal that the real concern was a lack of American masculinity, or the feminization of America.

We have filled an alpha male cabinet with testosterone filled picks and we are now talking about entering a new nuclear arms race.  We are going to step up our war with ISIS and we are putting the Chinese on notice regarding trade.  America is masculine again.

There is nothing inherently wrong with being masculine or feminine as an individual or a society.  The trick is to apply the right skills at the right time.  Right now we perceive threats from ISIS and Russia and immigration and crime here at home.  ISIS is a completely masculine dominant society and our approach to them needs to take this into account.  Barack Obama’s softer approach will not likely be effective against ISIS or Putin.

The problem, as George W. Bush found out, is that presidents do not always get to choose the agenda.  We have put someone in office who has vowed to approach every problem with testosterone and bravado, but not all problems are the same.  Not everything is a “deal” to be negotiated.

We are still split as a country.  The left and right seem to be pulling farther apart and drawing battle lines.  More significant perhaps is the split between Christians.  The other day a friend posted an essay about why she is not “that” kind of Christian.  Perhaps you could label the split as justice versus mercy, but I would call it masculine versus feminine.  One group is concerned with compassion and love and nurturing and the other about a loss of morality and acceptance of sin.  Some see Christ as a lamb and some see him as a warrior against Satan.

I would argue for balance.  We need to integrate both sides into our personal lives and our society.  We need to choose leaders with both qualities.  We need to apply the proper set of skills based on the situation.  We don’t need aggressive alpha males changing diapers in preschool, and we don’t need little girls in dresses fighting ISIS.

In order to defeat people like Hitler and Mussolini it took people like George Patton.  In order to unite a divided country Lincoln had Sherman bring destruction to the people of Georgia so they would know the horrors of war and give up.  Tough men must be opposed by tough men.  The same holds true in the south side of Chicago where tough neighborhoods call for tough cops.

Families are formed when men and women come together and blend their skills to form a unit that is stronger than it’s individual parts.  Men need women and women need men.  Even gay couples tend to come together as a bottom and top, or a masculine/feminine duo which can benefit from the synergy. 

 

As a society we need to be in balance.  We need both compassion and justice.  The political parties would both be wise to seek that balance as well, because the pendulum swings back and forth and undoubtedly the current push to masculinity will go too far.  

As individuals we need to seek balance as well.  As we look forward to 2017 we celebrate the many great examples of people who balanced their inner selves to show us what true strength is.  Some tough as nails and some soft and warm but all with something to contribute.