But I am a BOY!

Our local school district has begun training teachers about how to deal with LGBTQ issues that come up with children.  They want to make sure teachers are sensitive to the issues children may have and they want to make sure they do not reinforce negative stereotypes.  We are not talking about high school kids; this involves children as young as preschool.

I have a few ideas on the subject.  Before I present those ideas let me say that I did not attend the training and have not seen the specific literature and so I will not describe the training or the intent behind it.  It will therefore be impossible for me to mischaracterize anything.  These are simply my thoughts after having a private discussion about the subject.

I should also say that I do think school districts have an obligation to address every issue that concerns the well-being of children, including this one.  Teachers need to consider how to best address the needs of the kids that are entrusted to their care, and avoiding uncomfortable topics is unacceptable.  Having said that, parents and communities must be involved, and we cannot abdicate our responsibilities either.  We need to think about this and discuss it and provide our input.

I see two separate topics here, anatomy and gender.  The anatomy part involves X and Y chromosomes and sexual organs and testosterone and estrogen.  Some people are born with a penis and some are born with a vagina.  And yes, occasionally someone is born with both.  Terminology seems to be very important to this discussion.  We used to call the one group men, or boys.  The second group we referred to as women, or girls.  And we never spoke much about the third group, but I suppose they were called hermaphrodites. 

I don’t see much room for opinion in the discussion of anatomy.  I would use the terms male and female and I think at an age-appropriate time we need to explain sex organs and their functions.  We should discuss chromosomes in biology when they are ready and they very much need to understand the effect of hormones like estrogen and testosterone.

If a child is born with both sex organs then clearly a little more sensitivity is required.  Unless there was a medical necessity I would not favor surgery to “correct” anything.  I realize this situation can result in a lot of anxiety and confusion for a child and I would certainly want teachers to be careful not to react badly to something a child did not choose for themselves.

Children should be taught to understand reality, and human anatomy is part of reality.  There are heated discussions taking place in many districts right now about what should be taught and when and by whom regarding sexual activities and preferences.  I do not think the facts of human biology fall in the category of controversial topics.  This part of the discussion involves objective science and should be treated as such.

The other topic of discussion involves Gender.  Forgive my ignorance here, but there are a lot of attempts to redefine terminology and there is a long list of gender choices, some of them starting with cis-, or trans-, or something.  Gender, as I understand it, is not biology or anatomy but psychology.  It is how people see themselves.  It is the role an individual chooses to play in life.

In the old days in our society the genders generally matched the biology.  Boys were boys and girls were girls, as they say.  A person born “male” (having XY chromosomes and a penis) was given a “boy’s name” and was expected to do “boy things”.  Likewise we had specific expectations for girls.  Those unfortunate to be born with both sets of equipment were generally treated as though they were abnormal or defective, although we probably never became aware of most of them because hiding such a thing would have been the norm.

I think one of the fundamental points the trainers were probably trying to get across was that if a child is born “female” biologically but identifies as a male, we should respect their wishes and treat them as a male, including a name change and clothing and hair and everything else.  And sexual attraction is not necessarily aligned with either, the theory goes, so one could be a biological male and identify as a female but be attracted either to females or males, or both or neither.  In short, anything goes.

Along with that comes the demand that we all change our pronouns to match.  He may want to be called She, or She may wish to be referred to as He.  We have invented new pronouns, for example there is now “Ze”, which I assume is ambiguous.

The first problem I see with all of this is when you tell me that I should treat a young person born with a penis as a girl.  The problem is this: what does it mean to “treat someone like a girl”?  Do “girls” play with dolls and like the color pink?  Are “girls” bad at math but love flowers?  Do “girls” wear dresses and like to play house?

It seems that in order to comply with the new sensitivity regarding genders it is necessary to reinforce tired old stereotypes regarding what it means to be a “boy” or a “girl”.  When Bruce Jenner decided to become Caitlyn Jenner he started, among other things, adopting behaviors and clothing and hair and makeup long associated with what it means to be a “woman”.

I have a better idea.  Why don’t we make it ok for children to play with either trucks or dolls or to like pink or blue or to wear dresses or blue jeans regardless of their anatomy?  When a three year old biological female suddenly proclaims, “I am a boy”, we should ask what they mean by the word.  We should also question how that child came to believe that the word “boy” referred to a specific set of behaviors and expectations.

Whenever we decide to treat someone like a stereotype, we are reinforcing the stereotype, even if we think we are doing so out of compassion.  Doing so for Bruce Jenner is one thing but when we reinforce these stereotypes with young people we are not doing them any favors.

Unless you are a person who has felt the powerful effects of an excess of testosterone coursing through your blood it is difficult to explain the effect.  And I know the same is true of estrogen (not from experience but from observation).  In a very real sense testosterone makes us masculine and estrogen makes us feminine.  Without some chemical intervention we are at the mercy of these powerful influences.

But these hormones do not kick in fully until children are a little older, perhaps as they leave grade school and enter junior high.  It seems to me to reinforce a child’s “gender” before they even experience these changes is irresponsible. 

Once again, I have a suggestion.  Just be tolerant of whatever behaviors or preferences they have that are not destructive and leave the labels out of it.  If Jack says he is attracted to Jill, ask Jack what it is he likes about Jill, don’t call him a heterosexual or cis-normal male or whatever term fits that.  Likewise if Jack says he really likes Bill, there is no need to stick 4-year old Jack with a label.  Just nod and ask him what he likes best about Bill. In my experience it is usually his new bike or the fact that Bill can burp the entire alphabet.

Children should not be thinking about other children in a sexual way anyway.  They are not old enough to have sex or to consent to sexual activity because they do not yet have the capacity to fully understand such things.  Sadly, we live in a society where our children are exposed to sexual themes and images from a very young age, but that does not mean children understand everything they are exposed to.

I agree that teachers need to be trained to be sensitive to issues that young children might face, including confusion about gender and sexuality.  I don’t think teachers should be trying to make kids fit into predefined roles.  They should not be forcing boys to play with trucks and girls to play with dolls.  And so I would applaud that type of perspective.  But if the intent is to find the proper label to define a child’s preferences and to agree to “treat him like a girl”, then I hope they rethink that, because it creates an inherent conflict and reinforces inappropriate stereotypes.