By now you have probably heard about the killing spree in Isla Vista, CA by one Elliot Rodger. Elliot was a 22 year old student who left chilling videos and a “manifesto”, both of which contained bizarre ramblings about his anger toward women and his desire to get revenge and other psycho talk. When I first saw the video on television my reaction was that this guy was a sad idiotic jerk that was obviously a “nut job”.
I am not qualified to diagnose mental disorders, and I realize that “idiot”, “jerk”, and “nut job” are not proper clinical terms. I wrote him off as a psycho who went over the edge and I didn’t think too much more about it. And then I realized there was a tremendous amount of discussion going on about the larger concepts this case represented.
Some of these were predictable. One of the victim’s fathers blamed the incident on the NRA and politicians. And politicians such as Diane Feinstein quickly jumped on that bandwagon. Peter King called for more background checks before gun purchases. I don’t blame a grieving father for expressing his feelings, but I think politicians need to step back and not jump right in with their opinions.
And then I learned about something I had not really paid any attention to before, known as MRA, or Men’s Rights Advocacy. I also looked up misogyny and misandry, since people were throwing those terms around with abandon. Misogyny is hatred of women, and misandry is hatred of men. The MRA would seem to be the opposite of feminism, although both terms need lots more clarification than that, but in essence one is pro-male and the other pro-female.
Men’s Rights Advocacy does have a rational side. This seems to me to be pretty narrow and would involve things like making sure fathers get to see their kids after a divorce. On the other hand, a lot of what I have just learned is unbelievably scary and inappropriate. If I can summarize, there is a lot of anger on the part of some men who feel a lot of women use their sexuality to get men to buy them things with no intention of being romantic or sexual. And they are very upset about that.
Elliot Rodger would seem to fit the description of one of those men. The pathetic ramblings of this 22 year old virgin were laced with disparaging comments toward those beautiful women who would not sleep with him despite his polite demeanor and BMW. Instead, these women seemed to prefer the company of muscular unthinking brutes that were not nearly as cool as Elliot. Um, OK.
Stepping away from that discussion for a moment, I have also read about how he was a “typical liberal” because he subscribed to the “Young Turks” YouTube channel, or that he was a right wing nut job with guns. He has been described as another spoiled brat white kid, as an example of white privilege.
Before we go on, let’s get some facts straight, at least what we know at this time.
· Elliot killed 6 people. 4 were males and 2 were females. The first 3 were stabbed with a knife and the other 3 were shot.
· He wounded 13 people; 8 were shot, 4 were hit by his car, and 1 is uncertain.
· He has three handguns and a lot of ammunition. All were purchased legally from registered dealers. He passed background checks, as there was nothing in his background to disqualify him.
· Elliot was under the care of several mental health professionals and was receiving counseling. He had been prescribed an anti-psychotic drug (Risperdal) but refused to take it.
· Elliot’s father was Caucasian and his mother was Asian, for those who care about those things.
· His parents had called the police weeks earlier, after seeing some of his posts and videos. The police had 3 interactions with him in the past few months, but did not search his apartment or take any action other than talking with him.
· His parents were both driving to Santa Barbara to intervene when the tragedy took place. They had apparently been actively trying to help him for some time.
This is an awful tragedy. There were warning signs, and they were reported and followed up on, but not enough to stop what happened. This was a young man with serious mental health challenges, and he ended up going to a dark place and acting out on his angry delusions.
Now back to the discussions on the internet about MRA and misogyny. There is a lot of anger on both sides floating around in these discussion groups and forums. Some of these men sound like rape-apologists, making excuses for men who have unwanted sex with women after the women wear very sexual outfits and let men buy drinks all night and then go back to the man’s apartment and want to say no.
Let’s be clear – rape, or any unwanted sexual advance is NEVER ok. EVER.
But let’s step back a bit and examine the whole situation again. First, we have men such as Elliot who think their family money and BMW and polite demeanor (he even fooled the cops) means they should be able to “get” a “hot girl” to sleep with them. On the other side, we have some women who realize their attractiveness can get them things, such as drinks, nice meals, and lots of attention from horny guys, and that they have no obligation to repay anything.
There is a reason that societies throughout history have invented all kinds of rules of behavior for men and women. In the past few decades we have decided that these rules are all outdated, but in discarding these “outdated” rules, we have also thrown away a lot of common sense.
In the past, we expected sex to wait until marriage. We frowned upon girls who dressed slutty. We realized that getting too drunk to make good decisions was a bad idea. We expected men to act like gentlemen and treat women with respect. Getting pregnant meant you were going to have a baby, not a trip to Planned Parenthood. People had chaperones and we had all kinds of outdated rules of behavior.
These men who complain about men’s rights, with the narrow exception of fathers wanting to see their children, are idiots. They need to grow up and lose their anger and replace it with a little maturity. Elliot Rodger was obsessed with the “hot girls”. How about a nice girl, maybe a funny or smart or even a plain girl? And let’s face it, you are not going to get anywhere with that whiney, entitled, serial killer personality. It is not surprising that he was a 22 year old virgin.
And I will not let the man-hating wing of the feminist movement off the hook either. Viewing any group of people with disdain is inappropriate. You have every right to wear sexy clothes and flirt, and accept the offer of a drink or dinner; but using people is wrong. We all know the difference between having a nice time and taking advantage of someone. One is great and the other is, well, just sad. If you have no romantic interest in someone, do not lead them on. Just say no.
Men and women are equal, but there is no doubt they are different. It is as simple as estrogen and testosterone. I do not claim to understand how it feels to have a menstrual cycle but I know it has an effect on a woman’s moods. Likewise, women do not understand the powerful effect testosterone has on males, especially teens who are swimming in their hormones and have not always learned what to do with those feelings. We need to show some understanding, even if we cannot have empathy.
In the end, each of us are individuals. We should not speak of what “all men” or “all women” think or feel, any more than we should talk about what “white people” or “black people” think. We should not lump all gun owners together, or project the actions of one mentally ill man on all those with mental illness.
I am somewhat appalled at the opportunism we seem to engage in around tragedies like this. This is not a time to get on a soapbox and advocate for a particular point of view or to bash certain groups of people. We do need to look for solutions to these problems, but mental illness of the type evidenced in this young man is not a simple or easy problem to address.
I do think the discussion needs to be focused on how to treat people who evidence mental health issues such as the ones Elliot displayed in his videos, and which were significant enough to have his own parents call the police. There are always concerns for personal liberty but these must be balanced with society’s interest in preventing these kinds of things from occurring.
In the end I stick by my original analysis. Elliot Rodger was a jerk, and an idiot, and a nut job. And what happened was tragic, and perhaps preventable, but we need to get down from that soapbox.
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