I grew up in the small town of Ellisville, Missouri. When my parents moved there in the early 1960’s it was not exactly rural but there were literally cows at the end of our street. My folks were from rural Kentucky and when they moved to St. Louis they chose to go almost to the “edge of civilization, but not quite. We grew up on Marsh Avenue, a small street where our house actually backed up to Ellisville Elementary School. How convenient.
The neighborhood was filled with boys our age. So much so that we had big baseball games on the school yard and at one point we actually painted a football field in our back yards. We did all of the things kids did in the 60’s and 70’s and so I can say yes to every one of the nostalgic “remember when” posts that come along on Facebook.
I had two brothers and a sister and like most people being part of a family is when you learn your first ethics lesson. “Is that yours?” “Then give it back to your brother”. “You two let him out of there this instant!” “Quit touching each other!” You know what I mean because each of us grew up somewhere and most of us had siblings and parents who had to teach us right from wrong.
The baseball and football and basketball games reinforced that sense of right and wrong, and added to a growing sense of fairness. Sometimes you would win and sometimes you would lose. Cheating was not tolerated and so for the most part the neighborhood kids were good about doing the right thing and treating each other with respect. Usually, but not always. We were kids and we were competitive and in those days there were no second place trophies. Sometimes feelings got hurt but we always seemed to get over it.
The good teachers at Ellisville Elementary School somehow had the same basic ideas of right and wrong as my parents did. Don’t touch other people’s things. Be polite. Keep your eyes on your own paper. They taught us our multiplication tables and state capitals by rote memorization. Some did well on the tests and some did not do so well but for the most part there were no curves. Either you knew it or you didn’t. Either you passed or failed but that was up to you.
About the time we moved on to Crestview Jr. High School (also next to a cow pasture) my old Ellisville began to change. Money started moving in. Subdivisions popped up and the district started to expand. People were moving out to the “suburbs and away from the city and they chose to get out to where we lived. As you know I have no problem with money or people who own it. It wasn’t the new folks but some of the old folks that I noticed had changed. There was a real effort back in the early 70’s to “keep up with the Joneses”. It mattered what you drove, and where you lived, and what you wore.
Those things did not matter to everyone, of course. Some folks did not succumb to the peer pressure and I guess there was a little counter-insurgent feeling about it. We were not wearing any Jordache or Gloria Vanderbilt jeans, thank you very much. But I had close friends and even family who over the next couple decades would be very conscious of how people were judging them.
I went off to college in mid Missouri and got married and as poor college married students we were poor and didn’t care so long as there was beer money. We finished the Rolla gig and started work and a family and we were once again right back where I started the tale. “Is that yours? Then give it back” “Stop touching your brother” “Untie her!” This time we were the parents, the keepers of right and wrong. Not being perfect, we sought out the same help as our parents had. We took the kids to church and the YMCA and Boy Scouts. They learned that “thou shalt not kill” and to “keep yourself physically strong, mentally awake, and morally straight”. They even learned useful lists by rote memorization; they were to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent. And, they learned to “Be Prepared”.
The kids played organized sports like we did where they learned sportsmanship and that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose and if you aren’t that good you spend a lot of time on the bench. It’s the same sort of lesson we all learn when we enter the world of work. If you don’t produce much, you will not be rewarded well. But if you have a good work ethic and are willing to think and be loyal and do a good job you will turn out ok, and probably thrive.
These days the kids are moving on to live their own lives and we are still living in the house where they grew up (at least for the last 17 years). During that time we have made a lot of friends and we certainly have great neighbors. Some of them are new but several were here before we moved in. They are almost all retired. And so it is that my friend Bob, the retired cop with nothing better to do, waits until I leave the house with suitcase in hand to remind me how much he appreciates me going off to work to pay for all of their Social Security. The truth is I am very glad he and the others are there and retired so they can watch my house and family when I leave on business.
For seventeen years we have mowed our lawns and swept the street of leaves and clippings and then met to discuss the news of the day or the latest gossip about what in going on. We discuss politics and sports and the weather as neighbors have for centuries. And when necessary we come together to support each other in times of need. I can’t tell you how much comfort it was when my father and father-in-law passed away to have the comfort of good neighbors. It is something I grew up with and it is not something I want to do without.
And yet, the rules of proper behavior amongst people are not really written down per se. We have laws, but that is not what produces good neighbors. We have a constitution, but that is not why we do the right thing. We do the right things because we know what the right things are, because we learned right from wrong the same way I did. Our parents and teachers and childhood friends and teammates and even our children and work force us to understand right from wrong. We all know how to behave.
And let me be clear, conservatives do not have a lock on personal morality any more than liberals or moderates do. We all fail, and nobody is perfect but parents teach their kids right from wrong regardless of their religion or party affiliation or how much they make. Don’t take what belongs to others. Do not fight with each other or touch each other without permission. And it doesn’t matter how much someone makes or what they drive or how big their house is.
OK, not everyone is real good with that last part. Traveling for business has reinforced my idea that all I really need is very little. Hotel rooms have everything you need in a small space. Bed, bathroom, tv, desk, chair, and a place to go work out. But without naming any names, it has become painfully obvious to me that some people never left the 70’s and 80’s with their heavy emphasis on the Joneses and keeping up appearances. The end game there turns out to be simply a love of all of the things one has bought, and almost invariably an equal disregard for the importance of the people in your life.
I think there is a perception among some folks that when conservatives or libertarians oppose higher taxes on the rich or more money for entitlement programs it is somehow because we love our money and things, that we are materialistic or selfish. I can’t speak for everyone but for me and for most of us this is categorically not the case.
Just as ethics and morality do not belong to a single ideology the same is true for materialism and jealousy. It crosses lines to infect conservatives, liberals, and moderates alike. I think in our personal lives we use our own moral compass and have our own set of values.
So if it is not those core principles or experiences, what explains the differences in the way we see government? I will explain my point of view and leave it to others to do the same. For me, I know that my yard ends where Ron’s begins. The stuff in his garage belongs to him, and what is in my garage is mine. Bob gets to stay home retired and watch me go to work because he earned enough money to be able to quit working, and I am not there yet. If Lola buys a new vehicle or gets new furniture I am happy for her, not jealous.
I do not have a right to their things. I do not have a right to tell them what church to attend or who to vote for or what health care they must purchase. It is not my place. We help each other out voluntarily, because we want to, just like the neighbors I grew up with on Marsh Avenue. The rules are not written down but they are not rocket science. We all learned right from wrong as kids.
I can transfer any rights I do have to my government. But I cannot give to government rights I do not have. And if I do not have certain rights, nobody does, and they cannot give to government rights they do not possess. The police can come and make me give back Bob’s rake if I steal it, because Bob has the right to take it back and he can transfer that right to them. But I cannot expect government to give me part of their retirement money because I have no right to it in the first place.
So that is how I see it. Government is just an extension of the same rules that we have all lived by our whole lives. My teachers did not give me other kids’ toys, because they did not have the right to do so. The referees decided who won based on the rules of the game, and they did not have the right to do otherwise.
I do not know how some people teach these rules in their own life, and live by them, and yet when it comes to government there is some magic that makes it ok to break all of those rules. Government can apparently do things that families or teachers or neighbors would have no right to do.
There is no magic. Government is just people, and all of the familiar rules should apply.
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